Horoscopes | Week of April 13-19, 2009

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Leave your seat belt fastened at all times. And it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep an emergency kit or a spare dose of the magic antidote in your back pocket, just in case. In this 'all bets are off' week, you just might lose your cool, your head, your bearings, and/or sight of why you're behaving a weird way. Just as likely, somebody else will lose one or more of the aforementioned items all over you… which may serve as your seemingly justified excuse to return the favor. Beware of foolhardy schemes, headlong nosedives, and untamed displays of audacity, in both yourself and others, Aries. Unchecked hostility, the intensity of which you might be unaware is coursing through your blood, would be the main cause of any negative demonstrations on your part. Just as potentially damaging, however, would be unchecked naiveté… as in an idealistic refusal to work dreamy fantasy into this-here real life. All is not terrible or terrifying, just highly erratic. So if you can combine this energy with the most tremendously practical thinking you can summon, you just may be able to roll with the punches without somebody getting punched—and build this crazy discontinuity into an innovative methodology for recreating your future in a sustainable fashion. That, or else there'll merely be a lot of dust being kicked up, with consequences still unknown. This is simply the shadowier flip-side to nurturing pure freedom. Now it's integration time, baby.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Continuing last week's trend of the astro-climate beginning to drift back into a vibe better suited to your natural tendencies, this week features ruling goddess Venus returning to direct motion after six long strange weeks. While we must take this news knowing the restoration of your stabler sense of self remains a gradual process, Taurus, this Venus station surely marks another good step in that direction. The best way to celebrate this event is to surround yourself with 'your people'… the ones who leave you feeling so comfortable in your skin, you don't mind behaving a tad (or more than a tad) bonkers. An impromptu party, where you engage in a silly activity unlike what you normally do (such as taking over a bowling alley, drinking at a weird dive in a strange neighborhood, staging a public performance art piece, or doing something zany that requires multiple participants to pull off), wouldn't be such a crazy idea. If this Venus retrograde period has led you to reevaluate the meaning of certain friendships or allegiances and the updated equation leaves 'em coming up short, this would also be an appropriate time to call it a day. Don't beat around the bush, in a misguided attempt to spare somebody's feelings. Rip off the band-aid quickly, though with enough wherewithal not to add insult to injury by giving 'em an earful about why they no longer cut the mustard; a very short statement, devoid of unnecessarily cutting remarks, will do the trick nicely. It's time to make room for the kinds of comrades who leave you thirsting for more of their energizing contact, not drained from dealing with their oh-too-familiar crap one more time.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): With Venus standing still then starting to walk forward once again, I see the wheel of your present fortune beginning to turn. But it won't be because you're knocking on the same damn doors in the same tired fashion one more time, Gemini, as if the person (or type of person) who slammed it in your face last month is suddenly going to open it wide and invite you in for tea and crumpets now. This is a turn-in-fortune precipitated by giving up the tactics and beliefs that clearly haven't been working… in favor of what, two or three months earlier, might've sounded completely and totally bizarre to you. If it pushes you into the kind of uncomfortable terrain that you know (on some secret level) is probably pretty healthy in that growth-inspiring way, though you haven't a clue how you're going to pull it off or whether it will prove lasting enough to quell your anxieties, then it's probably the right thing—at least for the short-term. Why stress beyond that? The 'short-term' is where life is actually lived. And besides, virtually any choice that busts the standstill and gets that wheel-of-fortune spinning avidly on its axle is both timely and fitting. On the other hand, if you're hanging desperately onto that last standing support-beam for dear life, refusing to give in to the tides of changes as the bulldozer grinds ever closer, please expect that wheel-of-fortune to keep hitting you in the ass over and over again until you get out of its way and let it do its job.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): What you need most right now, Cancer, is to nurture enthusiasm. I do not care to hear the many reasons, valid and persuasive or not, why you're too stressed or bogged down or fearful about your future to be able to muster enthusiasm for anything. That is the exact outlook I'm trying to help you combat. No matter how aggravating certain circumstances may indeed be, please remember they do not comprise the sum total of every possible angle of your life. Frankly, that would be impossible. I encourage you not to overlook the elements that aren't presently aggravating (if you're willing to give them their due regard). Perhaps there's something—whether big or small, central or peripheral, in process or still a couple steps away—that gets you all excited when you dare to participate in, or think about, it? There's gotta be. Whatever it is, I strongly encourage you not to dismiss its present importance. If this is where you find meaning or hope, you must cherish its fledgling role in your life, in much the way you might safeguard a finicky candle flame on a very windy day if you knew you needed that fire for the light and heat to survive. Someday, this topic of enthusiastic curiosity and avid exploration could contain a much larger proportion of your overall existence… much to the delight of your heart, which merely wants to feel its involvements actually matter. That's why you've got to focus on that which you're enthusiastic about, not merely what's dragging you down. Whatever we focus on necessarily takes up the most space in our lives.


LEO (July 23-August 22): It wouldn't flabbergast me to learn your week was hijacked by the tasmanian-devil-like machinations of someone who, like it or not, you're still 'in bed' with (proverbially or otherwise). Their shocking admissions, unpredictable actings-out, or general behavioral inconsistencies would be enough to keep anybody on his or her toes… but especially you, dear Leo, who by now must be acutely aware of how these 'ties that bind' may be inhibiting your ability to heed the rhythm of your own shocking, unpredictable and/or inconsistent drumbeats. Is this a lesson in mirroring, where this person or situation currently out of your control is an extreme exaggeration of how it must feel to others when you follow an impulse this direction or that and expect them to dip and swerve with you? I'm just asking, not insisting this parallel must exist… though surely it's something to pause and think about. However, the week's astrology could show up in quite a different fashion, if instead you're presently soaring on a high of recent emancipation from circumstances that had previously tied your hands from doing what they most needed to do to serve you. And should something like that be the case, then I urge you not to go too far past the bounds of good sense, exultantly overcompensating by blindly leaping into another all-or-nothing-style commingling… and/or unnecessarily sliming your former partner or cohort in gloating glee. Despite strides made, you're still way too close to the psychological storm to safely get away with flaunting your done-ness.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): As I dutifully warned you last week, Virgo, the tension in a certain one-on-one relationship (or in your more general conceptualization of 'how firm I stand' vs. 'how much I compromise' interpersonally) is now coming to a head… with some climactic culmination due to bust whatever stresses have previously been held down out into the wide open. This is not the moment to hold anything back, in a (futile) hope that it can be dealt with later ('so why not suck it up in the meantime?'). This is the 'anything goes' window of opportunity to rewire every last short-circuiting segment, while everything's already pretty up-in-the-air and you have much less to lose by aiming for the full-monty remodel. What doesn't get tossed in the stewpot now will merely rot in the back corner of the metaphoric fridge, in the form of putrefying resentments of the other person that, ultimately though indirectly, you caused by refusing to have it all out and instead abdicating any say in the matter. Please, oh please, do not hold on to how it's been between you two for so long, just because you share a certain sentimental history together. History may be beautiful, but it also rusts and crumbles and corrodes and needs periodic restoration (which often involves peeling off layers of finish or tearing down walls) or else it just looks old and out-of-date. This too is how our personal relations function. Without the proper maintenance—and the wisdom to discern when the fundamental structure has been compromised and it's more cost-effective to scrap the whole thing and rebuild an entirely new domain, perhaps in another environ—we may be risking our personal safety by staying in a place the building department would likely condemn, were they allowed inside to inspect.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Two weeks ago, we discussed the spinning-of-wheels at a time when whatever you were working seemed to have hit a frustration point. By the end of the upcoming week, Libra, that sentiment should seem like such ancient history, you may barely remember ever having been stuck. Your ruler Venus is finally restoring herself to forward-facing (read: non-retrograde) dignity… and along with a rambunctious, I'll-try-any-new-technique-once Mars-Uranus conjunction, virtually guarantees a gale-force-wind-strength gust of fresh air into all 6th-house matters (including day-to-day workload, household chore list, physical self-care routine, and anything else that often qualifies as drudgery or discipline). To make yourself feel better, you really must understand that nothing about these past two months would legitimately qualify as 'spinning your wheels'… though I'll validate the emotional experience of it sure must've seemed stifling, baffling or deflating. What was really going on was more an elimination of ineffective options, combined with a necessary building-up of dissatisfaction with status-quos, in order to inspire the breakthrough I expect you're presently bringing forth. And now you may run with it! One caveat: Mars and Uranus in the 6th can also carry unpredictable expressions of physical energy in or through the body, which can sometimes manifest as accidents or injuries. I surely don't want to breed paranoia, but if you are 'running with it' (in any literal or proverbial sense), please take care not to trip over anything or twist your ankle.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): However you've been scandalously spending your off-the-clock hours (as we both know your on-the-clock hours are already accounted for, since recently having been assigned to work your ass off for a while), the fevered pace of this game is about to hit a climax. Or is it the shit that's about to hit the fan? I'm pretty sure you're ready to break the tension, Scorpio, shatter the ice, really and truly flock to that peak experience you've been flirting with, teetering toward or only tasting in furtive tidbits. And don't it feel good! I was about to try to talk you up, in case whatever IT is isn't feeling good. But then I thought better of myself. Silly me, to even imagine for one second that you were somehow resisting the breathtaking beauty dangling itself in front of you, asking you to grab its hand and jump together straight to the stars. Why wouldn't you chance the hazards for a shot at creative bliss? weightless enjoyment? pleasurable expressiveness? love? I can't really think of a good reason. But of course, there may be certain secretive details I'm unaware of (you Scorps do love your secrets), which could alter the picture I just painted in a fairly significant fashion. That's not for me to know. Perhaps, if such details are looming in the background, you should consider having a real heart-to-heart with the friend(s) you rely on to help steer your conscience when desire overcomes your sense.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Happiness starts at home. 'Home' can mean the current building in which you reside, the city or town in which this building is located, the environment you've created with the other people sharing this abode, or the inner vibe that informs you you're in a place where you can take off your hat and kick off your shoes and do whatever soothes your soul. If any of the above-mentioned aspects of home doesn't presently set a suitable stage for cultivating happiness, Sagittarius, then do something about it this week. While you may not be able to resolve the vexing factor immediately, you most certainly can take one giant step toward an imminent resolution. If we can be straight with each other for a moment, we must acknowledge that certain external circumstances aren't currently as flexible or open to reorientation as you might like… and I believe you're probably coming to accept this temporary 'limbo' quality to 'em. But don't fool yourself into thinking your entire life is equally as unyielding as those certain parts of it. Even if you're dirt poor, you can still grab the domestic bull by the horns in any number of ways. And even if you're dirt poor and know deep down inside you really need to move from where you are, you can find creative stepping-stones to start getting at least one foot out the door sooner rather than later. Many folks who live crammed together in less-than-luxurious conditions but who respect the people they're crammed together with and appreciate the love that surrounds them are much much happier than those who share extravagant mansions loaded with expensive-but-soulless furnishings they can't relax on with people they can't stand. Get happy at home. It really is a great place to start.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): To your left, Exhibit A: Our fine Capricorn ladies and gentlemen, the queens and kings of composure, never letting you see 'em sweat. To your right, Exhibit B: Venus stationing direct and Mars conjoining Uranus in your 3rd (where we conduct our daily social interactions and communicate our off-the-top-of-our-head thoughts and feelings), drawing effortless joy and unself-conscious improvisation to the surface of your in-the-moment exchanges. With this evidence now on the record, your honor, we ask that you render a verdict in favor of controversial extroversion. We humbly request you sentence the Capricorn to at least one week of purposeful envelope-pushing, including at least five full hours of outrageous laughter-filled frivolity, coupled with excessive expletives and/or 'highly inappropriate' conversation topics. Should the Capricorn fail to take this sentence seriously, I beseech you to send bizarre characters in their direction—crazy babblers from off the streets, odd friends-of-friends-of-friends who will take liberties their acquaintance does not entitle them to, annoying siblings or cousins showing up unannounced to stay on their couch for a few nights ('you don't mind, do you? it sure looks like you've got the room…'), and the like. This additional dictum should virtually ensure the Capricorn, obviously guilty of excessive dignity and poise, will succumb to unplanned, unrestrained verbal reactions. And that is just what this court should order. We will add a clause to allow time reduced for 'good behavior', which in this case would entail making such a blatant show of refusing to play by the social rules that nobody could possibly mistake you for well-behaved.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Your financial situation (among other things) is especially unstable right this very moment… though 'unstable' doesn't always equate to doomed. Perhaps strange deals are on the table, requiring you to take what others could deem as 'ridiculous risks' in order to track that pot-o'-gold at the end of some rainbow. Maybe you are moved to extravagantly spend on some item or endeavor designed to make you feel better, stronger and more confident, while nobody else quite catches your drift. Or it could be that your investment profile (ha!) is simply enduring the collective trials and tribulations accompanying this massive macroeconomic shift presently underway. Whatever the specifics, we know that with downturns come opportunities—and with opportunities come gambles—and with gambles come both huge payoffs and devastating losses. Unfortunately, I (nor anybody else) can reliably inform you how to deduce which curtain hides the stellar prize-package… and which a pile of aged horse dung. I will tell you this, Aquarius: It's okay not to know the answer, and it's okay to take educated risks. The most important thing to reserve faith in is your individual ability to survive possible negative results from trying something different with your resources, particularly if what you've been doing doesn't feel personally meaningful. That said, it wouldn't be such a bad thing to couple this self-possession with a deep conversation between you and the person(s) in your life who ask the difficult questions, as a test-run for how psychologically prepared you are to embrace the riskier.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): Please re-read last week's edition to receive a fuller context for this extraordinary week, Pisces. I could not choose for you a single better week for making massive change in your life. I understand, of course, many of you may be enduring massive changes you did not consciously or willingly select… and for that, I feel at once compassion for the emotional challenges which come along with having your hand pushed by the universe when you imagined yourself unprepared and faith that this will ultimately prove to be what's best for you. If you cannot presently touch this faith within yourself, don't worry; I will hold it for you. However, the sooner you can look forward rather than back, the better for your mental well-being. (Looking forward does not mean disrespectfully thumbing your nose at the past, daring to forget or ignore the people who have mattered and the experiences who made you who you are. It merely welcomes more new people and new experiences in, to continue your lifelong process of living.) For any of you who quiver on the brink of radical self-sovereignty, free from chains that hold you back or situations no longer suited to the butterfly eager to spread her/his wings, please oh please oh please go for it. The same advice about looking forward—into the vast unknown, with a terrified but gleeful grin—applies. Your best grounding tool in such circumstances is to get your thoughts out of the etheric vacuum of your brain, and put 'em into tangible words: talk to friends and strangers, write long honest emails you might or might not send, fill journal pages with every last worry clogging your head, and tell the relevant parties directly exactly what you're intending to do. Words make everything more real.