Horoscopes | Week of March 23-29, 2009

ARIES (March 21-April 19): This is your week to make wishes, take leaps, set precedents, initiate changes, and commit to nurturing the spark that's lately begun developing into a small blaze. You have roamed into a secret charmed meadow, a place (not unlike a funhouse, or perhaps located within a wing of one?) where lone individuals like yourself really do possess the magical ability to alter the events of life to your liking. Yes, I affirm, Aries, you presently hold an immense creative strength… pioneering in its fever to penetrate uncharted territories, and self-satisfying in how fully it can saturate your being and thusly fire up your engines, if you nurse it. At this very moment, you're looking at unprecedented freedom staring you straight in the face. (Can't see it? That's because a certain looming authority-figure from your past, a power-hungry boss or institution from your present, or a no-longer-fitting career/public-role persona is blocking your vision.) Alas, collecting on such freedom with the hopeful abandon it warrants comes with its natural collateral fallout. 'Of what sort?' you might wonder. That I cannot tell you. No, it's not a secret, merely: The specifics of the fallout depend on who the other person(s) affected by your freedom-chasing actions is, and how they choose to respond. (Oh, yeah, other people.)


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In honor of this week's New Moon conjunct Venus-retrograde, which is an altogether 12th-house affair for you, my adorable Taurus, you are being given a most important assignment: From this New Moon (on Thursday Mar 26) through to the Full Moon on April 9, you are essentially not to be a Taurus. 'WTF?!?!' you may mutter, as if being asked to breathe without taking in oxygen or something equally mind-baffling, or as if you aren't understanding the recommendation. Yet, you heard me correctly: No Taureosity. That may mean, therefore, you will be quicker to change your mind—and perhaps your loyalties—than usual. Or maybe you won't look both ways five or six times before taking your next step. Perhaps you'll have to prove yourself unreliable in the eyes of somebody who's become too used to always taking care of things (so that they may sleep on the job), since something way more personally exciting and energizing suddenly came up. If you opt to emulate another sign's behaviors in your 2-week 'I'm somebody else' exercise, may I suggest copying a fire sign (since that's the day's winning element), which will give you the ability to 'burn off' any residual guilt or second-guessing likely to arise once you realize how 'crazy' (meaning: not Taurean) you're being. Give it a try. What have you got to lose? (On second thought, do not stop to consider what you've got to lose. That seems way too Taurus to me.)


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Just think how much love and support you could generate for yourself, to boost you through whatever difficult decisions and processes may be consuming much of your psychic energy, if you'd only reach out to your entire odd assortment of pals with full emotional disclosure with that same social extroversion you might rally to disseminate exciting news or juicy gossip. Your 11th house, where we experience ourselves as part of some social body larger than us (e.g., our community, our circle of friends, our group affiliations), is presently lighting up like a Christmas tree, Gemini… leading me to believe you're due to spending lots of time in the company of those you share some common bond with, diving into fresh group situations where you're apt to meet a bunch of new people, or otherwise thinking about your role vis--vis the greater whole (i.e., 'where do I fit in? how am I like, or not like, them?'). It's quite likely you could fill this socially-minded time with lots of surface talk and getting-to-know-you questions posed toward them, barely scratching the surface of what's really going on with you. Yet, if you're bringing far deeper thoughts to the table (because they're on the brain, no matter what you do) but not mentioning them aloud, the other folks around you will detect you're not being straight with 'em—and wonder why you're putting up a front. On the other hand, the benefits you and they can reap by your spontaneously expressing that which is weighing on your mind can be tremendous. So when they ask how you are, don't blurt an automaton-like, 'Fine, thank you,' if you're really not. Try telling 'em the honest-to-god truth… and see how they respond.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): Perhaps you were waiting for the engraved invitation to arrive in the mail, welcoming you to the corner office or the Pulitzer Prize award ceremony or that hard-earned esteem in the eyes of those you most care to inspire and impress? Quit stalking your postal carrier, Cancer. It's not coming. But does that mean you're doomed to sidelined hungers, never to accomplish that which you crave to rise into, so you may soar to those heights you know you're capable of, though still have yet to graze? Hell, no. If it's legitimately yours for the taking, then, yes, you may continue your intended motions toward it (whatever the big 'it' may be). You must take it, however. It will not be given, not by post nor Federal Express nor enchanted passenger pigeon… and most certainly won't be served by formal-dressed butler atop a silver platter with toothpick and napkin to keep your fingers clean. Are you hungry enough to feed yourself first, or are you planning to keep on feeding everyone else full of the nutrients they need to ascend their magic ladders to the sky (climbing over you, maybe, to get there)? Your dreamt-of achievement is that very last pipin'-hot treat sitting atop the baker's shelf, and someone's got to take it. As you approach it, so does a comrade or rival, ally or threat. (Which is it?) Whether you love or hate this person, no matter. Only one of you will taste victory. (And sharing just won't do.) Will you grab, or will you refrain out of fear your friend-or-enemy will think less of you (while enjoying your foregone booty)?


LEO (July 23-August 22): Sound the trumpets, unroll the red carpet, and clear your throat, Leo. You are hereby expected to issue a royal decree… to, and for, yourself. (Sidenote: This really isn't the best time to be telling other people what you think they should do. Even if you're right, they probably won't listen. Or worse, they'll get disproportionately pissed off at you.) These are your 'big-picture' marching orders to, and for, yourself, a concise but powerful declaration of what you intend to do—both your modest initial step, to be taken over these current few weeks, and the broader goal, to more dramatically unfold beginning in '10 and continuing onward from there. You're barking up the absolute right tree, if that which you declare to, and for, yourself churns a burning passionate excitement about your future expansion, as if you simply can't wait for it all to materialize: the places you shall see, the topics you shall study, the experiences that shall push your consciousness into new frontiers, and those principles that, as a result of everything else, shall become the most important maxims upon which your life is founded. Pretty spine-tingling stuff, eh? You won't be surprised to learn, then, that perhaps the biggest snag to this whole otherwise-hellsa-inspiring horoscope is this simple fact: You can't quantum-leap from here to there, especially when your 'here' still demands much continuity of the same-ol'-thing. You have much to batten down, contend with and secure, in order to bring certain things to a satisfactory close (or at least a better pausing point) before fuller dedication to the royal decree is possible. Therefore, that 'modest initial step' is all you should take this month, along with your regular day-to-day business. Skipping too far ahead now—and not respecting the process of proper timing—will only detract from your later growth, not speed it along.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): None of this is terribly pleasant or easy, I'm afraid. (Though, if I'm wrong, I'll happily exchange my accuracy for your easy pleasure.) In my imagination of your current state, Virgo, you are the pipe underneath the proverbial kitchen sink that's had one too many pans of bacon grease poured down your tubes… and you're presently being scraped, prodded and probed by the equivalent of the cosmos' Roto-Rooter man. How on earth could that be comfortable? Yet, as the caked-on crap is, slowly and surely (or was that slowly and painfully?), being excised from your psychic cavities, you are receiving an incredibly deep cleanse. To make the most of it then (and to make it go as quickly as possible), you mustn't hold on to those residual bits of experiences once enjoyed or endured, as if to let them go would be the same as to erase your memories—or as releasing other people from their responsibilities in creating those memories. This is a hyper-super-Aries moment, my dear… and Aries types hardly hold onto anything, as long as there's somewhere new and exciting to move toward. Why look back? Please surrender to that celestial pipe-cleaner currently being forced through your innards, all the while repeating the same notions to yourself over and over in your head. Let go. Release. Embracing the concept definitely assists in the actual discharge.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Who's following whose lead? The hot hot heat in your relationship house (the 7th) is firing up the need for major-mega-dynamism—and more than a little 'gimme-what-I-want!'—in your interpersonal arrangements. Nothing could be worse, in any relationship you're presently engaged in (and not just romantic ones), than a lack of movement. Stuck is, literally, the death-knell. But somebody's got to take the initiative, Libra, in this hotbed of 'let's get going!'… and if it isn't going to be you taking charge of the flamethrower, to either heat things up at microwave-speed or to burn the bindings apart, then please expect other folks to behave all impulsively and thoughtlessly self-centered-style. Should it play out in this latter fashion, take a real good hard look at which specific behaviors of theirs you've laden with the 'impulsively and thoughtlessly self-centered' label. Perhaps you need more of that sort of manner in your arsenal of tricks for pursuing what you want, instead of silently (enviously) judging those who actually get what they want by being so, well, blatant about it. (And perhaps you also need to start rebelling more loudly against those messages you were raised with about politeness, cordial consideration and restraint?)


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Get to work! And keep working! And don't stop working for a good long while! Got it? Good! Okay, Scorpio, I will now dispense with the annoying exclamation points… but not with the one-track insistence that you attend to the stuff you've got to do, no squirreling away or hyperdramatic flinching allowed. This is not merely a punitive sentence at some labor camp, forcing you to do penance for sins already indulged in. It's actually for your longer-term advantage. Think of it as getting your feet wet, for a future moment in which you'll be called upon to do hefty amounts of such labor—as your single saving avenue for achieving and maintaining health and stable well-being, so you may be strong and secure enough in your pursuit of happiness that you get everything what you want (and get to enjoy it for a while). But I get ahead of myself. For now, if you spend the next several weeks working your little stinger off, the benchmarks you achieve will support you throughout much of '09… and better prepare you for what 2010 is apt to bring. The 'mischief' factor is still in effect, too, by the way, which isn't such a bad thing to indulge (on your off hours!) as long as it doesn't detract from the quality (and quantity!) of your efforts. Hell, if you've got to work hard, you might as well play hard too! (Yes, that last sentiment deserved its own happy exclamation.)


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Show 'em all what an earnest, zestful love of life looks like, Sagittarius. I have not forgotten that, just a couple weeks back, I reported you were moving through a 'turning of emotional seasons'. And whether that turn made you mildly or more markedly moody, for a relatively shorter or longer time, let's take one giant step back and look at the scene again. Between 1995 and 2008, you contended with Pluto weighing down your sign, bringing its demons and embroilments and brutal realizations… all so that, on the other end, you'd be a more powerful, purposeful and integrated individual. (It worked, didn't it?) From where you stand now, then, you have survived much worse than anything you're presently facing (or, if it really is that bad right now, you are in far greater company than at any time in recent history). Not only did you survive, you did so with a spring still in your step and plenty of wisecracks still stored in your cheeks. Please, oh please, celebrate life. When you are actually enjoying the thing you're doing, your enthusiasm is unbelievably contagious—and bears the power to torch your own bad moods to dust. Put your own enjoyment near the top of your priority list, for the week ahead and the several following, along with whatever bummer jobs might be getting you down. Then, multi-task, alternating yuck-yuck with fun-fun. As long as you don't spend too much cash, you're all good.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): How's your housecleaning (both literal and symbolic) going, Capricorn? In case you've temporarily neglected to recall this horoscope from a month back, your helpful astrologer is here to remind you: Get cleanin', brothers and sisters. To re-explain, this is not an exercise in domestic hygiene; it is a fast-action purging of all the crap on your floors, in your closets, in the attic and the basement, and in the proverbial corners of your internal nest that's hogging your emotional space. Haul that shit out of there. On the literal level, this is much easier to manage: If you haven't used it (or seriously thought about using it) in the past year, let it belong to Goodwill or The Salvation Army, sooner rather than later. Besides having a roomier-feeling living-space, this act will also gain you a couple extra collective-karma points. (These days, any resources an individual isn't using really should be turned back out into the community where somebody will need it.) On the symbolic level, it's less clear-cut… but that much more potentially transformational: Clearing out those cobwebby specters of dispiriting, demotivating trips laid on you earlier in life by parents or other key influences (to 'protect' you, to control you, to manipulate you, to keep you stuck in ancestral patterns) is a marvelous act of defiance. In doing so, you are defying those who sought to arrange your life one way… when now, in the Pluto-triggered dawn of total self-redefinition, you will be deciding what goes where and why. (Talk about a spacious setup!) Use the literal cleanse as a vehicle for allowing the symbolic to simultaneously occur.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): People need you to be generally 'around', though don't require anything more specific from you other than casual social participation. The cast of characters in your immediate environs would prefer you to say more rather than less, though it almost doesn't matter what you're actually saying… as long as you're saying something. There are subtle ways, Aquarius, in which your overall manner of ease with a multitude of types of individuals ('each of us plays our colorful role in the rainbow of humanity') helps everybody else get over their social anxieties, their judgments and fears of those different than they, and their self-consciousness that others will think they're weird if they share what's really on their minds. Somehow, your presence unconsciously vaporizes such nonsense into nothingness. So if you can't physically be 'around', then do the next best things. Call. Write. Share. Talk out your ass to the strangers you are surrounded with, though they may not be the locals you're accustomed to. The only thing you shouldn't be attempting to get away with: Not being 'around'. In other words, no not talking. No not sharing. No not including folks in your thought process. (Harder said than done, I realize, since you've got plenty of personal 'for your eyes only' contemplation and evolution very much underway, which is enough to have at least a part of you lusting for the ashram… and which makes it harder to just talk about whatever, when what's really on your brain is yet unformed and surely not anything you're up for sharing at this point.)


PISCES (February 19-March 20): I want to briefly revisit last week's installment, for no other reason than to lovingly remind you your latest brilliant idea has a real good chance of really being that brilliant. I sense you may need this positive reinforcement, Pisces, in order to muster enough confidence to feed and fuel this burgeoning independent streak. I'm in no mood to debate the subtle problematics within the old adage, 'Every man for himself,' with you (not the least of which being the gender bias)… even as I recommend it as a healthy rallying-cry for your current state. (Of course we are all in this together. You already know that—perhaps a bit too well. But as any flight attendant will tell you, you must secure your oxygen mask before turning to help small children or others in need. Otherwise, none of you will be able to breathe.) A super-sized dose of self-centered survival instinct will do you some good. You know what you have. You know what you need. And you know what you know, which is probably a hell of a lot more than you may sometimes give yourself credit for knowing. So, therefore, there's really no need to waste valuable time consulting with others (who, as we've recently discussed, may not have your best interests in mind), soliciting feedback and waiting for permission (which only you can grant yourself). If certain folks would rather guilt-trip you for taking care of yourself than getting off their butts and taking care of themselves… well, isn't that their problem? (Just to be sure you get it: Yes, dear Piscean, let it be their problem.)