This has been my experience as a gay man in the aftermath of the Orlando shootings. I cannot, in good conscience, stake claim to any relevant sense. However, I also don't wish to be silent on this matter which has impacted me very powerfully.
I know my heart throbs in pain. If I let it speak for itselftestify to my personal feelings alone, no presumptuous attempt to ascribe universal wisdomperhaps it will contribute its one narrative thread to a fabric of meaning we collectively weave.
I awoke that sad Sunday morning alone, my partner Ricky having just departed the evening before on a three-week adventure. Uncharacteristic of me, I'd had a terrible night's sleep.
Words that accurately, authentically, and effectively construe my experience of these past few weeks have been in rather scarce supply.
It seems almost as if my entire year so far has crept sluggishly by, with almost nothing I'd aimed to accomplish having been satisfying plopped into the 'DONE' pile
yet, just since Mars retrograded back into Scorpio nearly a month ago, I've felt abruptly confronted with unmistakable, deep-reaching evidence that a lot has been actively (though perhaps inexpressibly) advancing. And still, it's not 'done'.
Now that the Sun and Venus are squarely in Gemini (as I wrote about in my last essay), they're moving in to complete the full mutable grand cross (i.e., four planets at 90-degree angles to one another) with Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune.
A T-square between those three slower-moving planets has already been in effect since last September, creating an ongoing backdrop of transitional changeableness due to its emphasis on the mutable signs (which are each associated with the closing phase of their respective season).
The mutable T-square's heightening of these transitional energies extends through the first three-quarters of the year which I described in my 2016 overview as '[carrying] a fluctuating feel...
Mars has now been retrograde for just about a month now, and it still has another month-and-a-half or so to go but the Mars-retrograde vibe is about to change significantly for its latter portion.
Over the course of these next couple weeks, we'll experience a perceptible transition between 'Mars rx, part I' and 'Mars rx, part II', as a result of a few big astrological shifts.
Right around the same time Mercury ends its retrograde and returns to direct motion (May 22), both the Sun and Venus will be moving into Gemini (May 20 and 24, respectively).
After many months of circling around a sore-spot of unsettled anger, stuck on the irresolvable fine-points where I felt I'd been wronged, I'm finally moving on.
Thanks, Mars retrograde, for returning me to the scene of the crime though I doubt you would've brought me there, had I not so eagerly sought some movement in my emotions.
Sitting on unresolved hurt, as if proud to be the last one standing staunchly atop the grudge, is not my style. Not if I can help it. Such stagnant pools of unprocessed sludge turn poisonous over time.
Amidst all the hoopla about Mars recently flipping to retrograde motion for 2½ months, we mustn't neglect to discuss that Mercury will also be retrograde during the next few weeks (Apr 28-May 22).
Mercury's latest retrograde is less remarkable news, seeing as it endures this apparent backwards-tango routine three times a year. Mars, on the other hand, is only retrograde once every two years or so.
Still, to have both these fast-moving bodies simultaneously relegated to the temporary limbo of retracing their recent zodiac steps doubly emphasizes the 'pause, reconsider, regroup' themes associated with personal-planet retrogrades.
You've heard me talking about it for months. Now it's happening, one of the biggest pieces of astro-news this year. As of Sunday (Apr 17), Mars will be retrograde for ten weeks, not returning to direct motion until Jun 29.
If Mars is the planet of our physical initiative, courageous spirit, assertive advances, and forceful fights, then a retrograde Mars threatens to bring reversals, detours, and/or delays in where we're directing our will, how effectively it moves us forward, which battles we're waging, and what tactics we use.
Though this general summary correctly describes a range of expressions we can expect during these next 2½ months, I freely confess I find Mars retrogrades trickier to interpretively pin down than almost any other astrological event.