Horoscopes | Week of April 2-8, 2012

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Spend the next couple weeks subtly and skillfully dancing around the core-issue, bowing or curtsying to your partner as appropriate, following the changing beats of whatever music's playing… and not hogging the center position, stepping on toes, or making any special requests. As first Mercury and then Mars wrap up their retrogrades, all while Pluto's standing still in your 10th, the odd rhythms we've all struggled to acclimate ourselves to will begin to iron themselves out. And before we know it, Aries, an entirely more energetic (and perhaps even frantic) cadence will invade the dancehall. Surely, out of everyone who's likely to flip their wigs and/or alter their attitudes, you wouldn't possibly end up the most erratic or edgy of the bunch, will you? Not if you follow my strategy of watch, wait and listen. It's highly likely that, as long as you continue to participate in the group number with adept footwork but absolutely no self-distinguishing grandstand marks, somebody else will proceed with the next game-changing move… and you will end up with a much better idea of what'll be your shrewdest way forward. Until that other person reveals what's up their sleeve, you just continue this social waltz round and round the room.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your past few weeks have put an epitomizing cap on an incredibly expansive past several months, Taurus, during which time you have (hopefully) come to see yourself as more than your previously limited vision had allowed. Jupiter's been warming up your sign since last June, providing a more comfortable environment for unsticking yourself from stale patterns that have built up over time… though, naturally, the responsibility has been yours to choose to try something else. Then, much more recently, a blend of (1) even more good favor from the planets, courtesy of Venus, and (2) some glaring recurrence of an undesired symptom, direct from said 'stale patterns', has spread a culminating icing on your cake. And if you have indeed decided, yes, you are ready to transcend to the next-highest level of your capacity for excellence, this has been a powerful pivot-point. Now, in the chapter just barely beginning to unfold, you are due to take all those tiny, practical, just-do-it steps required to accustom yourself to these improved patterns… to take this self-transformation from 'conceptual' to 'tangible'. Remember, though: This is some all-new shit, and you are far from having mastered it. Allow yourself to experiment, stumble, rethink, and explore. Just don't retreat or regress.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): All hail and welcome Venus, resident of the Gemini zone from now through early August! She is here to kiss your energy field with tiny sparkles, my dear twin-soul, if you are willing to wrap your arms around her and receive the love. If you indeed are willing to believe in all the marvelous descriptions I've been doling out to you in recent horoscopes, I sincerely suggest you spend a few moments this week to consciously ritualize an official inauguration to this finally-at-last period of fortuitous promise you so deeply desire. Offer a meaningful token of gratitude to the goddess. Burn, bury or drown a symbol of the pain you wish to leave behind… while embracing another entirely different symbol of the sweetness you wish to instill. Reach out to somebody in need with a random act of 'I understand what you're going through', embodying the serendipitous social contact you'd also like to be on the receiving end of. And while you're at it, buy a new lipstick color. Get a rad new haircut. Wear that outfit you've been too timid or mournful to flaunt lately. Please find a few different methods for outwardly exemplifying the sort of encounters and experiences you hope this lucky phase ahead will be creating in your life. Like attracts like attracts like attracts like…


CANCER (June 21-July 22): Those folks who assert that we create our own reality, based on the vibrations of our thought-patterns, are both (1) attuned to the subtle quantum logic upon which our individual existences are based and (2) somewhat full of shit. On the first point, yes, it is true that we'll experience a version of Heaven or Hell (or, more often, something convolutedly in-between) no matter what happens to us, depending on what perspective we use to make sense of it. And yet, on the second point, it would be incredibly na´ve (and potentially quite condescending or destructive) to imply that our being born to wealthy, loving, and/or horribly abusive families (and everything that happens to us from there) is merely a factor of us somehow attracting this to ourselves (as a result of karma? negative thoughts? WHAT?). I contemplate all this alongside you, Cancer, simply because you're entering an especially magical and rather mysterious phase, during which you may not have much control over one or more of the significant goings-on… though whether these end up proving to be gloriously transformational or potentially upsetting will, at the end of the day, be partly if not largely impacted by your responses to them (both in thought and action). What's that line about having the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change? Take whatever 'it' is as it comes… with faith that each such development holds a trillion invisible ripples of ramification, and that focusing on certain ones at the expense of others will have a deeply profound effect.


LEO (July 23-August 22): Other people's presences keep you real… keep you interested in the collective goings-on… keep you entertained… keep you on the straight-and-narrow… keep you on track with the goals you share… keep you in the loop… and maybe even keep you from flying too close to the sun. They will also not allow you to remain within a certain bubble of your own creation, Leo—not if you are legitimately interacting with them, and receiving their energetic input on your state-of-affairs. So, which type of social participations are you presently missing out on, which might shift your mindset or occupy your attention or unite you with common thinkers? Team sports? A writing workshop? Art or dance class? Group therapy? A spiritual-seekers' circles? A political campaign or human-rights organization? What's the something you're invested enough in (or would be, if you hadn't let your past involvements slide or your current fears hold you back) that you just know the other people you'd meet there are likely to positively impact your life? You don't have to dive into this 'something' tomorrow—though the sooner you do, the more quickly you'll (re)develop a tantalizing sense of camaraderie with the outside world. Your easiest path to happiness-stirring opportunities in the coming months is through one or more of such group-minded activities.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Whatever you've been incessantly tinkering with over these past many months of Mars jazzing up your sign, Virgo, is about to reap you a swell of public attention. Are you picture-ready for the camera flashes? the investigative questioning by trendsetters and opinion-makers? the hot white high of standing in the spotlight? Before you wave these notions dismissively away, as if you're too modest to consider that you may indeed garner the notice I'm suggesting is due you, please be a bit more cunningly conscious about what this possibility might bring. You definitely don't want to be caught by surprise, without a single well-orchestrated statement of publicity-perfect purpose waiting on the tip of your tongue or a well-groomed image to put forth. Even though you might be more interested in the efficacious results your activities have spawned than the celebratory yak-yak that often comes with, please don't be unnecessarily cantankerous about 'playing the game' of success. Why wouldn't you want to talk to people about your interests and accomplishments, in a self-flattering light… all while allowing them to praise you and plug your work? It's not like you don't deserve a bit of flattery. Just because you're not ultimately motivated by all the pomp-and-circumstance doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): What really matters? And what really really doesn't? If you can respond to these questions from the absolutely widest vantage-point possible, Libra—even if, admittedly, the answers may vary a bit from day to day as you zero in on what's most precisely your truth—then you'll do wonders for your underlying anxiety levels. That's because, once you can organize the list of potential life-concerns and -complications according to some generally prioritized logic of your choosing, you'll have granted yourself the liberty to not stress out about the things that fall lower on this list. Sure, the converse theoretically could be true: that as soon as you've identified your most personally significant handful of ideals, there may be an even stronger pressure on you to ensure those top few items receive their due consideration. Yet, I suspect you probably expend a larger-than-you're-aware-of amount of mental energy on relatively unimportant worries… maybe even a fairly lopsided disproportion, especially when compared with those make-it-or-break-it pillars of your Life Well Led. So get things into a rightful perspective, to both reserve your wasted energy and concentrate your efforts on what really matters. If it doesn't fall within, say, the Top Five big ones, stop letting it burden you so.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): That your understanding of the labyrinthine involvements in which you find yourself, Scorpio, does not neatly divide 'good' from 'bad' or 'black' from 'white' along pre-perforated lines, this is the sort of complexity that'd drive many a simpleton to text 'FML' (or, to us old-timers, 'fuck my life') to their pals… though you are a fat-cat glutton for the stuff. Without mixed messages or conflicted feelings generating their pin-prickly charge, you would be flat-out bored with what's going on (which is why you sometimes look at those who are living 'the simple life' and wonder just how they find stimulation from such an apparently shallow existence, though appearances can be deceiving). Lucky for you, then, you're being presented with an early introduction to your latest choose-your-own-adventure story, an open-ended experience with no 'right' or 'wrong' directions to turn (though each has its own subsequent series of complicating confrontations and exhilarating episodes). And all you have to do to stay with whatever meaty excitements will keep your wild world spinning is to keep on turning the pages—with no erroneous expectation of being able to set the book down for more than a moment or two over the coming months. Embrace the either-or, yes-and, it-all-depends-on, we'll-just-have-to-wait-and-see highs and lows. I already feel you smiling.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Charm is your latest secret weapon. And it's a far more dangerously effective weapon than pretending not to care, trying to calmly outsmart on purely technical grounds, or being directly confrontational. Dogged problems involving work and/or money matters, which may, by this point, seem interminable headaches you fear you'll just have to get used to, are probably worth at least one more attempt at resolving, now that your new arsenal will bestow a noticeable advantage through your willfully asserting your likability. 'Killing 'em with kindness' is an adage I fear doesn't do the craftiness involved its full justice, Sagittarius: It's not about being blandly 'kind' as much as irresistibly charismatic, a quality born from a lively and good-hearted acknowledgment of the real circumstances, without any blame pointing outward and with a lot of implied personal responsibility accepted. At the end of the day, however, its crux is a hyperconsciousness of the word-play required to charm somebody into acquiescence, yet not raise any red-flags about possible manipulation. What you need to foster, in order to pull this off, is a total release of any vengeful feelings you might have toward those so-called 'problem' individuals. It's less about proving yourself right… and more about getting the end-result you want.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Any one of a number of newfangled gadgets and odd inventions, the type that you can buy on TV at just $19.99 'for a limited time only' (and expect to receive a second one free!), might prove to be helpful in cutting down your total production time. Or you might find your own problem-solving curiosities are heightening enough to inspire a few test-runs of strange new tools, processes and/or approaches you come up with yourself, Capricorn… both to the benefit of your daily routine and for your personal delight. Perhaps you'd work better at night? Perhaps you'd feel more energetic eating earlier and/or more often? Maybe you'd actually have a blast reorienting your entire rote methodology for accomplishing this same task for the 9,052nd time, even knowing that, once you start trying it in different ways, not every trial will prove a worthwhile innovation? These upcoming few months are your best moment in I-don't-know-how-long to reinvigorate your routines with a rearranged order, a few extra items of interest, a technologically improved-upon series of steps, and/or a different posture. The sky really is the limit, when it comes to the many possibilities of learning to do things better, quicker, and/or in a more enjoyable manner. You've just got to start testing out the alternatives.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Rather than confidently informing you that love (and/or another such occupation that inspires childlike giddiness) is headed towards you in leaps and bounds, Aquarius, I think it would be more accurate to say that, for now, it's merely winking at you from across the room. Is it you being winked at you, you might ponder, or someone else standing near you? Or does this maybe-suitor just have a speck of dust in his/her eye? At this very instant, we cannot be sure. But I can confidently inform you that assuming such playful and/or romantic gestures are being directed at you will only increase the likelihood of that reality coming to pass… for we see what we expect to see, and once we've come to expect it, it answers our expectations accordingly. Of course, it's possible the first person you think you spy with an amorous glint in his/her eye actually doesn't feel that way about you… that this mirage is merely a prophetic precursor to the second or third person who's due to arrive, who in fact does fit that bill… and that, in the short term, this is an exercise in practicing how to hold yourself open to attracting love (and/or another type of deliciously vital experience). Prep for the best—and if it doesn't show up right away, keep expecting it.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): 'Excuse me, for a moment or twelve, as I slip behind the door that separates me from all this suffocating public exposure… and secures for me a safe space where I can suit my own purposes, with as many whimsically inconsistent mind-changes as I'm moved to make, without feeling my opinions about what I'd like to do unduly swayed by others,' is how you might begin your Garbo-esque parting words, Pisces, because you and I both know all about the you who emerges only when you are left alone. Now, while I don't see you living an entirely solitary existence over the coming few months, I can envision a recurrent dipping-into-and-out-of visible participation with the outside world—not because what's happening out there is so terrible, but because what you might create for yourself at home (or in other ultra-private places) could be that fantastic, you'd rather luxuriate in its inherent freedom from social pressures. (That, of course, means remedying any dissatisfying housemate circumstances as soon as possible.) The inviting curiosities of life, during this next interval, are likelier to be found by happily turning inward… not by hunting and gathering elsewhere for people, places and/or things to somehow 'complete' you (ahem).