Horoscopes | Week of May 25-31, 2009

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I hope you enjoyed this god-given ultra-Aries moment while it lasted. By the tail end of the upcoming week, your ruling warrior-god Mars will leave your sign for earthier pastures. And by the tail end of the next week, Venus follows suit, wrapping up her epic 3˝-month voyage through Aries and joining Mars and Mercury in your solar 2nd. Think of these departures as your signal to ease the hyper-rapidity of each day's developments… and to begin integrating the newness of all you've already stirred up since February, into stabler day-to-day versions that possess enough realness to show staying power. Up to now, it's been totally excusable to have left aside worries about money, paperwork, the 'fine print' and other boring details during these few months, by the way. Opportunities like the ones you've recently been granted don't come around every day. But now, and going forward into this next period of several weeks, you must return to these set-aside technicalities and give 'em the attention they need. I'm totally compassionate to the notion that this week and next could feel a bit like the morning after the big party, with the requisite hangover (but worth the mad fun, right?) and the essential cleanup to restore the usual venue to livable normalcy. Devote a few moments this week toward saying a grateful goodbye to this unusually active phase in your development. Then, prepare to slow back down again. (Meanwhile, don't mope too much: You're due for an even grander version of this same excitement come the middle of 2010.)


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This week is the preliminary kick-off to a time you've been patiently(?) awaiting for a good couple months or so, Taurus. You're due to emerge from this badly-needed holding pattern, in which things seemed more like they happened to you rather than you having made much of anything happen. But that's all about to change, starting at the end of the week… with the dual-events of (1) Mercury returning to direct motion in your sign and (2) Mars moving into Taurus. In other words, as the overall pace of collective life in general begins to slow down to reasonable levels, the crazed individuals all around you will finally get the chance to notice you've been (quietly?) sitting on some rather insightful realizations, holding off on sharing until you were more secure in 'em (and they got all that impulsive bullshit out of their systems). Feel free to put your notions into motion again, with the knowledge that, by the time Venus (your ruling goddess) lands in Taurus at the end of next week, you'll already be seeing some results. And from June 6 to June 13, all three personal planets—Mercury, Venus and Mars—will be in Taurus country. Oh, yeah! At last, the vibe that'll be permeating every last inch of our immediate existence will be right up your alley. Why not emit an early self-satisfying chuckle now, giddy from the awareness that soon it'll be other people's turn to feel totally out of their element… and your turn to rule the roost?


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Shut it all off, the hyperactive mind searching for solutions, the panicky body afraid to make the wrong decision, the self-sabotaging number you may be running on your confidence. Flip the switch from 'active' to 'passive'. Then, hush and receive. Gemini, over the course of this week and next, you're moving further and further into the obscure fog-banks of the solar 12th… where attempts to conceptualize and actualize on the earthly plane are often diverted into the ethers, leaving little to do but bask in confusion and try your best to accept the limbo. While you may begin to get your wits back by mid-June, once ruler Mercury returns to your sign and restores your brilliance to its typical splendor, you won't really feel like the universe is finally working with you until around the second week of July. Possessing this astro-info now, I hope, will inspire you to step outside the pressing worldly concerns that aren't likely to yield much, as long as they're painfully pressing their concerns into the tenderest bits of your gut and your gray matter. If you can, get away from it all—through travel, deeper self-exploration (of the 'big questions', not the little shit), meditation, retreat, contemplation of belief systems, etc. For now, aim for recapturing an overarching enthusiasm for life itself, instead of figuring out how best to navigate particular narrow channels of it.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): I strongly encourage you, Cancer, to insistently focus on the belief that you are not in this alone. I fear you've been holding onto a lot of private stress from complicated circumstances you mistakenly assume you must bear, brunt-like, all by your lonesome. Thankfully, within the next two or three weeks, you'll be shown evidence to the contrary. But it's up to you, my dear, to acknowledge the possibility that other folks with shared ideals (whether they're already tried-and-true friends or new mates just now entering the picture) may be willing and able to help… rather than jumping to the conclusion that anyone else wouldn't want to be bothered and, consequently, overlooking the support sitting right under your nose. For this week, you don't actually have to do anything to actively promote these broader involvements—other than working on the limiting concepts you hold in your head regarding give-and-take, namely that to give is your ultimate duty and to take is way too self-serving to be comfortable. If you really want to be part of the group, a team, or any conceptualization of something larger than merely you (and your lonely burdens), you must rethink these notions. The other players involved will almost certainly be suspicious of you, as long as you keep offering your assistance while refusing to ask for, or accept their offers of, anything in return.


LEO (July 23-August 22): If you can refrain from jumping the gun and reaching too far too fast in your drive for greater recognition, you'll be in much better shape to actually attain what you're striving for. One more week of conscious hesitation, Leo, is basically all the patience required. By the beginning of next week, Mercury in your solar 10th (the career and public-renown zone) will finally be direct again. Plus, Mars will be there, too, adding moxie and stamina to the picture… and, within another week, Venus will make her 10th-house arrival as well, bringing blessings and bounties. Hold tight, please. In the meantime, if we return back to the horoscope from two weeks ago, you'll recall me emphasizing your relationship zone—and the wonderful goodwill you can generate by generously giving oodles of personal attention to your one-and-only (of the romantic, best-friend or biz-colleague variety). This week's astro-profile reflects your ability to take major initiative in helping reveal to this close comrade a much bigger and more exciting outlook to a situation they find humdrum and/or worrisome. You might have to grab 'em, toss 'em in your car, and take 'em way outside their usual frame of reference—to a scenic precipice, a Buddhist temple, an off-the-beaten-path town, or a far-flung branch of out-of-the-way goodies—to get them outside their excuse-filled justifications for supposedly 'being trapped'. In essence, in a few hours' time, you can rescue them from a limited viewpoint. (Of course, from there on out, it's up to them to really save themselves.)


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): You're about ready for the universe to give you a leg-up, to pull you out of the mud that's seemingly kept you stuck in its quicksand-like suck… and believe me, baby, it's coming. You don't even have to try to figure out what your next steps are going to be, Virgo, because they will make themselves quite clear once the next two weeks after this one show up, with the much-desired emotional de-escalation they will offer. You might audibly wow at the eternally amazing realization that, yes, time and distance really do work miracles. Each day separating you from the nasty encounter, triggering episode or unceremonious climax cannot help but bring you that much closer to a place of peace—if, that is, you allow yourself to let yesterday become the day before, rather than reliving it every succeeding day like some unnecessary remake of a Bill Murray classic. Can you not detect that the week currently unrolling its red carpet in front of your face right now as you read this is the dawning of a different chapter? And only if you want to drain your physical faculties, for no personal benefit at all, should you foster the unhealthy mind-body split that organically stems from continuing to think about old news. Don't sell yourself out that easily by feeling sorry for a weeks-old injured ego. You're stronger than that. But if you've got to squeeze out one last vestige of whimpering and whining, get it out of the way early this week. Other stuff needs room to happen.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Your days of holding the interpersonal dynamic at a breezy, easygoing, half-an-arm's-length distance are numbered, Libra. It's getting deeper, fuller, more intense and flavorful… and there's really no useful use in trying to defer the inevitable. I was also going to add that this heightening of involvement level (whether in a romantic, professional or other collaborative context) is due to occur whether you like or not, then thought better of it—mainly because I intuit that you will like it, even if this affectionate pull is unconscious (while your conscious mind continues to freak out about all the ramifications). But we all know there's only so long that two people can play a semi-detached game of nicey-nice with each other before it simply has to 'go there'. You know what I mean? As the next few weeks unfold, you will see that this is either the beginning of the end… or, perhaps more precisely, the beginning of the end of the prior initiatory phase and simultaneously the start of something more profound. Do not fear the tangled web you find yourself being woven into. There's an undeniable thrill to knowing that, though you'll soon have much more to lose should things go south, you'll also soon have much more to gain if and when they don't.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): The interpersonal missed-connections and crossed-signals I referenced last week (and earlier) are just now starting to show signs of ironing themselves out. Don't rush the process, Scorpio. Take your time to rediscover what you and a certain someone have in common, since the differences have recently become much more apparent. Rather than diving right back into the deep end, in a valiant effort to (once again!) attempt to convey where you're coming from (when, in fact, they may be perfectly aware of where you're coming from and simply don't like it), I'd spend the week in private contemplation of exactly why you feel so threatened by the chasm between you. Individuals often disagree on a major issue or two, and yet still find the ability to forge a continuance of their meaningful relationship. It's only when that particular issue is legitimately a deal-breaker that the bond need suffer. Reflect back into your history, in search of the primordial instigating event in your life that first made this hot-button issue so hot for you. Maybe the person who's presently conjuring a ghost of threats past will handle it, in the end, very differently than the original person who hurt you in a parallel situation? Just because there are certain parallels, it doesn't mean there will be identical outcomes. Please check your expectations at the door going into next week, when some real progress—one way or the other—could finally be made.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): It's another good week for shooting the shit, shirking the work, and shuttin' down early. It's a perfect backdrop for throwing an impromptu celebration: 'To the end of a totally annoying few weeks!' Toast that mantra with a whisky shot or two, Sagittarius… but make sure to drink plenty of water following this upcoming week's indulgences. Starting bright and early next Monday morning, you are due for a booster of magic in your getting-crap-done zone (a.k.a. your solar 6th house)—and not the kind that requires seven earnest attempts to make one inch of progress either. Soon enough, you are going to feel like the focus and wherewithal have returned to your working world, so that you aren't anymore exhausted by midway through the day (or is it really just thoroughly annoyed, which is exhausting enough?). You will have numerous opportunities over the next several many weeks—not including this one, which we might as well write off as lost (even if it isn't) so you get the chance to squeeze in some partying—to catch up on the job, tidy up the mess at home and make headway on the piling-up papers. (Fair warning: You will also have numerous opportunities to fill up on junk food while you work, so beware of that innocent jar of licorice sticks or supposedly-healthy bottomless bag of roasted nuts you keep on your desk.) For a few final days of justifiable slackitude, I'd love to see you loitering an extra-long time at the local café or watering hole, chatting up the locals with your hilarious list of semi-ridiculous complaints and stupid jokes, knowing there's no reason to rush right back to task now, when they'll be plenty of time for that come next week and beyond. Cheers! To the end of a totally unproductive-feeling few weeks!


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Life is slated to shortly become more pleasurable… and none too soon either, isn't that right? Can we hear an 'amen' for an adjustment in the astrological climate, returning the vibes to something less likely to have you grumbling under your breath about private sensitivities you wouldn't expect anybody to understand? You can already begin hyping up the good times you intend to have, Capricorn, by loudly making plans to engage in activities you enjoy—and whether anybody else decides to join (which they probably will because, if you're doing it right, your announcements are going to sound irresistible to fellow fun-seekers) won't actually matter than much in the end. Goodbye, reacting quietly to what other people are doing that is bugging the shit out of you, generating envy, or seemingly wasting everybody's time. Hello, self-centeredly setting the agenda, knowing it's the most surefire method for having it happen your way. The distinction, of course, comes down to deciding the time is now here to make the most of the situation you're in (as opposed to wishing you were in some entirely other situation that doesn't exist or is intended for somebody else). Once that productive decision is made, the rest of it unfolds with pretty little effort, in fact. It's merely a matter of showing up, doing whatever you're going to do… and allowing the noise of different people's different doings to fade into the background, behind the theme-song you've chosen to blast at high volume to tune out the annoying ones.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Telling personal stories—that is, real-life confessions from the actually-lived existence that belongs solely to you—will get you a hell of a lot further, when it comes to connecting with people at large, than espousing philosophies or outlining step-by-step how-tos. As smart as you may be, Aquarius, nobody wants to hear you talk about the concepts you've acquired… without feeling like they understand how you experientially acquired them. Which means, in case this isn't obvious to you, that it's more important they get to know you than grasp any of your amazing ideas. And it also means you'd do better, in virtually all contexts, to work without a script and to consciously veer off message (whatever 'message' you falsely imagine you're supposed to be pushing)... since what you really ought to do is simply speak from the heart and trust in the commonality of shared human-beinghood. As the week bleeds into the next and the one after that, you could find yourself increasingly craving alone time, which could also entail the need to wiggle out of commitments or ask for favors. Again, it's far wiser to be upfront—on the sincere emotional level—about why you need what you need, rather than negotiating terms in a business-like tone. In fact, let them look straight into your eyes, read your soul, and actually see the need.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): For those of you Pisceans who fancy yourself writers, and for those of you who merely enjoy jotting down random thoughts in pretty journals or ragged spiral notebooks, this is a wonderful week for worshipping at the altar of spontaneous creative instinct. Do not go in with a goal. Just sit down, and pour out the goodness. For those of you who revel in offering tender loving care to the stranger who sits next to you on the bus, to the Facebook acquaintance who happens to post a status update looking for help, and/or the frantic sibling who simply needs to know he/she isn't as bad-off as feared, this is an ideal week for channeling the perfect advice they need to hear… so long as you don't think about it too much. For those of you who dabble in the intuitive arts, this is a good week for experimenting with alternate modes of gleaning your uncanny insight. Pick up that dusty pack of tarot cards. Watch the sky for omens. Report on the colors you're seeing off that certain someone's aura. All of this, Pisces, ought to be done in an explicitly non-serious fashion, however… lest you get caught up in some trip of 'almighty knowing' that loosens your grip on earthly reality. I want you to be able to explore the borderlands of that ultra-thin veil currently separating what's in your personal brain from what's lurking in the collective mind. But do it mainly as a non-committal exercise in quenching your own curiosity, not because you hope to get anything substantial or lasting from it.