Horoscopes | Week of March 24-30, 2008

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I forgive you already, Aries. You know not what you do. At least not this week, when unruly astro-shenanigans in your 12th house combine with an already testy 4th-house Mars to saddle you with a bad case of unpredictable emotional flare-ups. Now, due to their 'unpredictable' nature, I can't even tell you for certain which emotions these are… though, if I had to guess, I'd venture for some mix of grumpy, cranky and colicky. If that turns out to be it, please accept this irritability with grace. It should pass relatively quickly, unless, of course, you act out in some way that makes the situation worse. Spare yourself any extra grief, and yank your butt right out of the public eye, so you can privately enjoy indulgences that'll soothe your edgy spirits. Nobody even has to know. And likewise for the possibility that your renegade feelings actually treat you to a surprise dose of euphoria, which could read more as 'manic' (and thus annoying) by those who are coming from a totally different perspective and may lack the patience for yours. Keep it largely to yourself, or else be rather selective about who you share your ecstatic surges with. You'll be much better able to partake of 'normal life' next week. Until then, take a momentarily leave of absence.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Nothing takes your mind off recent challenges or confusions better than some good old-fashioned friend time. This week provides you a fabulous chance to gravitate toward the people you genuinely like, for no other reason than you enjoy their company. There are no 'connections' to foster (to further your career, to get your kids into the right school, to push your way into a certain circle) or obligatory calls to make (to get through the list, to cover your butt, to deal with unpleasant business). And there are no airs to put on or public images to maintain. You don't have to do a darned thing other than participate. Your real pals love you for who you are when you're not even trying, not for what one of you can do for the other. Wouldn't it feel good to surround yourself with such peeps right about now? So gather 'em around, let your hair down, and release the need to come across any special way. If you get excited just thinking about seeing a particular person, they're obviously among those you're itchin' to hang with. But if you dread to find out what somebody might say or do, then don't bother with that person this week. There will be other, better-suited moments to tackle your more difficult relationships.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A vivid imagination is your best tool for continuing to make waves at work or out there in the world. What the power-players want more than anything right now is options… not overly prudent repetitions of the same old processes, only with different names or more contemporary color schemes. And, as I warned you last week, they don't want any self-important upstarts insisting on all the credit for their revolution (even if it was your idea that sprung 'em into action). That's cool, though, Gemini. There is real strength in serving as an impersonal channel for fresh new concepts—as well as other important information, too. Just as your visionary capabilities are presently functioning at an enhanced skill level, so too is your ability to sniff out the existing problem-areas. And as long as you can keep up that 'impersonal' stance ('it's bigger than any one of us'; 'it's all about doing our team's best work'; etc.), you might as well blow the whistle on those whose misbehaviors are holding everyone else back. After all, it's also your professional success at stake. Why keep quiet? Let their jaws hang wide in disbelief, as you call attention to the real trouble at hand (and the troublemakers responsible for it). If what you're reporting is true (and how you report it doesn't play like a cheap potshot directed at a quiet enemy), nobody can legitimately protest.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): Please do not permit yourself, Cancer, to get wrangled into meaningless disputes or energy-draining personality problems this week. You have bigger fish to fry—and far more exciting goals for these upcoming months than such frivolous exchanges would reflect. The more deflating current situations in your life are those that pin your attention to everything that's wrong right now… and while there may be true observations in that line of reasoning, it has little to offer the forward-thinking participant other than more of the same. But if you are as intuitive as I believe you are, then you must know that the scene is already changing. What somebody else is stubbornly dwelling on may be yesterday's news as far as you (and your burgeoning, though still tender, optimism) are concerned. As long as you keep the widest focus possible, you can delicately redirect the terms of any such discussions from (1) doomsdayish complaints about the current state of affairs to (2) upbeat problem-solving based on future potential. Don't let them rain on your—or anybody else's—parade. For all the stinky junk we must contend with in this muddled-and-motorized modern life, there's also a whole bunch of amazingly wonderfully astounding positives that will always pervade every last inch of our existence. If you find yourself confronting someone who's unwilling or unable to acknowledge that other side of the coin, get away from 'em fast.


LEO (July 23-August 22): To abruptly attempt to contain the now-overflowing complications in your relationship with a certain someone would represent a grave miscalculation, Leo. Pandora's box is already hanging wide open, and it's highly unlikely you'll be able to convince all those streaks of released mischief to hop back into their cage and agree to suppress themselves again. The hibernation period has ended. The ceasefire has been called off. The developments are moving. Please don't hesitate at the gates of this next chapter, clinging to the last bits of yesterday with a panicky regret that you shouldn't have done what you already did. Done is done. Past is past. However, the future is still very much an open-ended scenario—even still, despite everything that's happened. That's why you've got to continue entertaining new perspectives and possibilities, though the 'maybe/maybe not' dynamic could be wearing pretty thin. An unforeseen gesture on their part this week holds the potential to add an important piece of new information to the complexities already on the table. Allow this news to matter, instead of pretending not to notice (in retaliation, self-protection or all-encompassing cynicism). It's on you to keep creating and recreating meaning (for yourself!) out of this whole enchilada, rather than wishing it didn't exist. It exists all right, and you must deal.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): As far as You-Know-Who is concerned, you're better off removing every last expectation from the table this week. That way, when they do something totally and completely off the wall, you won't be left flabbergasted with surprise. The astro-reason for these remarks, Virgo, is the triple conjunction of Mercury, Venus and Uranus in your house of one-on-one relationships (the solar 7th)… a combination that bespeaks of moves and messages that shake up the sanctity of such a partnership, so that each person is freer to pursue his/her unique individuality without any undue confines holding 'em back. This is not a new thematic thread for you, considering that Uranus has been rattling your relationship zone since 2003 and still has another few years up in there. It's just that this week resurrects it to the foreground, as a reminder not to get too attached to your important couplings staying exactly as they've been. There will always be unidentified flying disruptions from left field, whoever you're with and however doting a partner you may be. You've got to be able to flow with it, or they'll see you as too rigid. So even if that special person doesn't pull a loopy fast one this week, you're still wise to count on 'em to shock you, soon if not today or tomorrow. Perhaps nothing dramatic will happen, but the fact you would've been okay if it had (thanks to preparing yourself) reflects your larger willingness to share your life with somebody—without needing them to follow any unnecessarily strict guidelines.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Something's got to give in your day-to-day routine, Libra, insofar as you're balancing (or trying to balance) a brimming schedule of work duties, domestic chores and personal-care maintenance measures. If you've been managing it the same way for a while now, chances are that your desire to put in a good effort every day may be waning. You desperately need some instance of reinvention in the daily grind, in order to rekindle your passion for productivity. It could be something as simple as finding a new workstation location, a different type of exercise class, a shift in your waking-up and going-to-sleep times, or a consolidation of household tasks into one chock-full day a week. Alternately, you may crave a much larger change—a totally different job, a drastically improved nutrition plan, or a part-time assistant to help with what's not getting done. It's all about pulling a vastly relieving breath of fresh air into your stale ho-hum workflow. Otherwise, should you ignore the need for reinvigoration, the quality of your efforts will continue their downhill slide. And if any certain person (a heartless boss, a selfish spouse, a bumbling colleague) is standing in your way, refusing to acknowledge your ongoing investment with wholehearted support of these greater-self-appreciation moves, then maybe they don't appreciate you enough.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): You just might get away with murder this week, Scorpio… but only as long as the dastardly act is sufficiently entertaining to the rest of us. Heck, we might even join along! Just make sure your version is a rather light-hearted one, with your heart full of the best possible intentions—at the same time you push the envelope far enough to generate a few gasps and oh-mys from the audience. Yet, should you simultaneously use this spectacle as means to get even with somebody (by cracking a joke at their expense, revealing their embarrassing secret, or otherwise making them look bad), it's not going to go over so well… even if you perform your antics among a crowd you presume agrees with your feelings about this person. We want you to give us some good fun, perhaps with a controversial edge to it, but nothing that could be construed as mean-spirited. And if we detect any such agenda, we'll quickly put an end to the raucous proceedings—by clearly displaying our outrage at your public lapse of morals. Go ahead and kill 'em with some outrageous razzle-dazzle they can't tear their eyes away from, but please don't make it a cruel or painful slaying… or you could end up with charges filed against you.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): No matter how you responded to my urgings two weeks ago to steal yourself some relax-and-refresh time, you may find yourself back at the 'can't-take-it-anymore' point… and wondering whether you'll ever find more than a couple minutes of inner peace again. The answer to that question, Sagittarius, rests with you, of course. You are in charge of seeing to it that your home environment—the one truly private domain in the world where you can just be you, without all the identity trappings—is a nurturing setting. And if it isn't, then this week is a wonderful time to rally a new mindset on this issue: Start rooting out the unpleasant influences from your domestic space, so you can actually use it to recharge your energies. Now, I understand some of you may feel trapped or backed into a corner when it comes to your living situation, whether by financial concerns or relationship commitments or what-have-you. But for every practical excuse you can muster to keep from taking action, there's also some small move you can instead choose to improve your home life—cleaning out closets, using feng shui to rearrange your bedroom furniture, having a long-overdue talk with a pesky housemate, putting together a savings plan that'll get you out of there within the year. (Even if your home is already pretty darn good, there's always room for improvement.) Do something to show the universe you think you deserve more comfort, quiet and/or rest. Step toward the peace…


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Your biggest responsibility this week, Capricorn, is to do your damnedest to keep things moving. A trio of planets in your solar 3rd house promises you unexpected delights from playing your heart out in every round of the social game… circulating adeptly to ensure you've visited with everyone, returning calls and emails super-promptly (instead of letting the dangling discussions and question-marks stack up), and never overstaying your welcome past the point when continuous ease bottlenecks into awkward pauses or uncomfortable silences. At no point should you bother reasoning with anyone about his/her bad attitude (and end up dragging yourself smack into the middle of it), when it would be far simpler to sidetrack 'em with a tidbit of trivia or a favorite time-wasting distraction—and just disappear before the tension returns to roost. And if you're sly enough, your conversational sleight-of-hand will excuse you from being a topic-of-the-day. Deflect, my dear… deflect. Stay engaged (but so very briefly), inquisitive (because it gets the spotlight off of you), and constantly on the move. That way, nobody's crap will stick to you.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): If you are looking for the stable ground beneath your feet, don't look too hard, Aquarius… or you're liable to discover it's resting ever so precariously upon a water-lily's pad or some other equally gorgeous piece of floating jetsam, daring to just hold you above the water. The important thing to focus on is, for the immediate time being, you are safe. You shouldn't, therefore, fixate on how deep (and thus how far from your tippiest toes) the ocean's floor is or how many dangerous creatures and deadly riptides reside in those hundreds of meters of dark sea in between. No matter our situation, we all face potential dangers… yet, until they actually arrive (if they ever finally do), spending our energies to plan our responses is rather excessive and wasteful. And in the meantime, you must have some goodies at your disposal that serve to sustain you (partially, at least). Revive your thankfulness for every one of these little blessings, since gratitude is the best starting-place for receiving even more. Then, quit worrying about all that you don't have. Even if what you do have is merely scraps, that's enough to temporarily power your miracle machine. The deal, though, is that you must continue to expect the most fortuitous and bountiful twists of fate to show you the way, just in the nick of time. Optimism is a non-negotiable survival skill.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): As far as the planets are concerned, this week most definitely belongs to you, Pisces. With the coming-together of Mercury and Venus with Uranus in your sign, you are being given divine permission to do whatever the heck you want… the kookier and crazier, the better. And just so we're clear on the role of other people (and especially that one special person who often makes your world go 'round), they are merely along for the ride. You are the driver; everyone else sits shotgun or in the way-way-back. So with such perfect astro-weather in store for you over these coming days, please be sure to make your mark. If you haven't given the spectators something to talk about by behaving like you don't have a care in the world other than following your fancy, then you're still too worried about what they're doing or what they'll think about what you're doing. Embrace your courage to either blend into or stand out from the crowd, whichever position your most desired actions will naturally put you in. Anything less is just playing to their tune, rather than beating your drum in a rhythm peculiarly your own. What their response will be is entirely tangential to what's really important: your fiercely unapologetic independence.