Time to sit down and review the books again. It's been too long, and the pile of scrambled scraps of posted checks and mostly forgotten bills isn't going away by itself.
You pour over the numbers, to see if you've missed an entry or two. Perhaps something doesn't add it. No, that's not it. It does add up, you guess only to a different total than you'd been entertaining in your mind, before you bothered to actually count.
What is it are you swimming in a suddenly discovered windfall? (Who wouldn't hope for that?) Or is it the more unfortunate, though more likely, scenario did you forget to include all those so-called 'invisible costs' in your initial calculations, only to find yourself deeply in the red?
Wait, is it money you're concerned with or is it relationships? You know, other people. Those way-too-many names in your cell-phone phonebook, folks you might hardly notice if they walked past you on the street. (After all, weren't you drunk the night they fed you the digits?) Delete. Delete. Delete.
Oh. Yeah. Him.
You forgot about him, didn't you? You forgot how easily the conversation flowed, how many of the same interests you had in common. Maybe you can't even recall why you two stopped seeing each other. Just stopped, after a while. Drifted. Moved on. Was it a lack of some supposed 'passion', an elusory je ne sais pas you always hear about from your braggart friends (but always somehow seem to miss in your own life)?
What is it, anyway? Passion. How do you know if it's there, when you can't even describe it? And how long does it take until you decide: 'It's there'? Or:'It's just not there'? Can't it develop over time, or does it have to knock you in the head the first time you lock glances across a crowded room?
Come to think of it, you did have that passion once. Remember? You two couldn't keep your hands off each other, barely making it past the front door before pants were dropped and gasps ejected involuntarily, brusquely. Aaaah.
Too bad you didn't actually like each other.
Don't you sometimes wonder where that phone number went?
You could probably get back in touch if you wanted, right? But why? To what end? What do you want?
Are you looking for a genuine second chance. With the Mr. Easy Conversation, by the way. (Of course.) Someone with whom you could actually share a life. You two fit together well, don't you? You do. Why then were you so darned suspicious of 'easy' back then, as if 'conflict' and 'struggle' were more fitting lynchpins of true love? You've grown up so much since then. You understand better what's important
though isn't life too short not to say 'screw it' one in a while and pounce on one more hot night of God-only-knows-what-could-happen? (Where is that damn phone number?)
Whatever way you slice it, you hit another dangling dialogue, waiting to be scooped into closure. You never said everything you meant to say. You never did everything you wanted to do. You never really said goodbye. Or you never really said hello.
You have choices. You could call him or him, or her. You could worry less about lust, and more about love. You could enjoy the dating game, or hold out for that 'everything' relationship (which may or may not happen). You could stop obsessing about romance and start seeing old friends again. They miss you, after all, and you miss them.
What fat to trim? Which dollars to spend, invest or save? It's your wealth or scarcity. How do you want to manage it?
It is possible that time or circumstance, spontaneity or silliness has led to where you are. (More than you'd like to admit, since you always thought of yourself more as 'a planner'?) Now, the time is prime to examine where your life has whacked itself out of alignment with your most cherished priorities.
You're ready to reconsider, by design to reconstruct what's already there in your life, first things first, so you're better supported to go for more of what you most want.
You have Venus, currently retrograde in Capricorn, to thank for this encouragement to bother to look.