Horoscopes | Week of March 28-April 3, 2005

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Be charitable in realizing that not everybody thrives in these situations in quite the same way you do. Whereas the exhaustion from overstimulation actually sparks your adrenals into overdrive, others of us are just plain tired. You won't get very far by bullying the perceived slackers into action. Nor can you completely leave them behind—though that temptation is certainly there—for, even if you can't (or refuse to) see it now, you will require their participation at some later date. Instead, recognize how lucky you are to exist as a source of such ever-present energy, and help the world by bringing everyone else along for the ride. Through a humble mix of creative inspiration, cheerleading, and leadership by exemplifying how much fun it all is, generate idealism and enthusiasm amongst the company you keep. It might at first seem to slow you down, but give 'em chance to get rolling before you make that final judgment.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You've been caught trudging through the undeveloped hinterlands between seeing and believing, and it can feel like you're not sure which way to head. 'At least if I go the familiar direction,' you might be telling yourself, 'I know there'll be something to see.' But I think you know as well as I do that the other destination—the place of utter, unadulterated belief in magic or miracles or something so big or mysterious or diffuse it can never be fully observed—promises more for you to actually experience. So, Taurus, do you want to keep watching from the safe comfort of that cushy armchair and maintain the ability to describe what you're seeing from the disengaged 'outsider' role, or are you ready to do it from within the scene, from your head to your toes, and live your life with greater excitement and intensity and fearlessness, without knowing what the fuck is going on but having a damn good time in the process? In case you haven't figured out my preference yet, let me remind you of one more advantage of belief: You get to determine what it all means, according to your own rules and illogical logic. Seeing, meanwhile, asks that we all sort of agree upon the terms of what's being seen… and that can be so boring.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The first statement that sprung to my mind for you this week was: 'It's not all about you.' But I hesitate to leave that hanging like some callous criticism or stern admonition, so see me all the way through this. I don't even really think you think it's all about you (most of the time), so there's nothing here for you to fix. Rather, I want to remind you of your unrivalled knack for getting into others' heads, learning their languages, presenting yourself on their terms, and generally fitting into any social scene. Often, the instinct is to use said skills to ease your anxieties and engender basic emotional comfort within. But it's not all about you, and the 11th-house excitement calls on you to deploy this gift differently: to draw them out for their greater comfort, their enhanced confidence, and their sheer enjoyment. As I said before, it's not that I believe you're in it for yourself… but any such lingering doubts among your friends and acquaintances will instantly disappear, as soon as you practice this selfless sort of social interaction and start helping them feel great about themselves. (Not to mention the good juju you generate will undoubtedly come back to you in unexpected ways, sooner or later.)


CANCER (June 21-July 22): Moodiness could work against you this week, Cancer, if it in any way inhibits you from grabbing forthrightly for what you want out of this life. The usual nurturer rationale, which might compel you to toil at smoothing any edges off statements (that could just as easily be spit out directly) in order to alleviate somebody else's imagined discomfort, is liable to backfire. In this current hyper-Aries environment, there's little to be gained by appearing as someone who beats around the bush. If you have a goal in mind, quit mulling over the best approach to buttering up the powers that be and just ask for what you want. Even if you're met with opposition, at least there's been movement… you can try again the next day or shift to something different. At this point in time, it's better to be seen as a go-getter than a do-gooder. Go get.


LEO (July 23-August 22): Getting too used to what you've been doing over these last six months or so will get you no closer to finding meaning in your life. It's not that what you've been up to is lacking meaning, but rather you're craving (consciously or not) some new sort of adventure, for a week or a lifetime, to break you out from the mold and grant a different outlook. Just as last week's horoscope encouraged you to seek someone else's 'outsider's' perspective on your life, this week I'm telling you that may not be satisfying enough. Over these coming weeks, brainstorm how you might manufacture a circumstance to get you further outside your day-to-day existence—a journey, a retreat, a vision quest, a philosophic exploration, some project foreign to your norm. You can't fully know what you've got until you walk away from it, even for a few days. You may or may not go right back to what you've been doing, and either way is okay, for renunciation is not the point. But you deserve to more fully understand why you're doing what you're doing, instead of just going through the motions.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Part of me wants to just write, 'Have good sex this week,' and leave it at that. But I suppose it's not my business to impose the assumption that all y'all Virgos are, or should be, sexually active… and sex is such a private matter, right? But if it's not sex, then, you should allow some other lusty or erotic non-sexual passion to overtake your very being and shake your body, mind and spirit into a formless frenzy, right there where you're sitting. It's not just my dirty mind spurring me to such thoughts; it's the lineup of hot Aries planets (and an upcoming eclipse) in your 8th house. The 8th house is all about those most intense experiences with others—the fright and the fury, the fiercest fighting and fucking, the one piece of pie and the two mouths who both want to eat it—and a healthy dose of consensual commingling is one of the more enjoyable modes of catharsis I can think of. Of course, if you can find another to release the escalating urge to unleash, overpower and spew, I welcome it. But there's always that one surefire method…


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): My next episode in this ongoing saga of encouraging my Libran lads and lasses to develop greater self-satisfaction in your relationships comes with an exercise, and this one's good no matter what your current romantic-relationship status. In fact, it need not be limited to affairs of the heart (or loins), since all our relationships with friends and co-workers and other peers tend to follow similar patterns. Here goes: Without worrying at all about who the other person is or what he/she might want in the world, you must create a written list of the nine qualities you want to get out of a particular type of relationship. Notice I didn't ask you to list the qualities you want in a person, but rather from the relationship. See, you may not be privy to the type of guy or gal the universe has in store for you, in order to help you grow as a person and/or a partner and in order to provide you the sort of connection you want. And concerning yourself too greatly with who this other person is can inhibit your ability to get what you need. Then, set the list aside for a year, and stop looking for that special someone (or hoping your current someone suddenly turns more special). Your intentions will be out there, and they will be phrased in terms of you and not him or her… their ultimate fulfillment no longer requires inhibiting someone else's free will and, thus, is much more likely to occur.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Whatever you're trying to do right now will flow infinitely more smoothly and quickly, so long as you retain a sense that you're serving the greater good through your deeds. This notion of service trumps ego, control or financial benefit as a motivation that nourishes you on the deepest levels, though it seems easy to forget with all the mundane considerations of day-to-day existence. But it is certainly not a peripheral concern. You've been given what you have for specific cosmic reasons (and I don't particularly care if you believe that or not), so to serve no other cause than your own self is a basic statement of taking for granted all those special things that make you cool and the cool things that make you special. 'Taking for granted' equals atrophy, and atrophy breeds weakness and ill health… and let's stop our trip down that path right now. Scorpio is the sign of the healer. Be prepared to justify to yourself how your daily work is helping to heal the world, and if you can't do it with sincerity and truth, then make the necessary adjustments.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): I've been struck with a sudden, somewhat guilt-ridden self-consciousness about the horoscopes I write for you, Sag. Do I habitually encourage you to tone down your direct delivery? Do I hinder the fullest expression of your god-given enthusiasm, out of deference to other signs' more delicate constitutions? Do I rain on your parade? As recently as last week, I was yet again advising you to compromise the perfect integrity of your message in order to pander to… oh, I don't know, the possibility that you might rub someone wrong? Well, it's too late to take that back—not that I honestly think I should take it back—but I'm going to change my tune this week. Sagittarius, do and say whatever it takes to let yourself feel free and unhindered in your expressions. You know the drill; you know the way some folks will respond; there's nothing new there. A few flustered feathers would do the world some good. With the current Aries effect, motion is good; stillness, improper. Now, off on your merry adventure. Plenty of people like and appreciate you just the way you are, including me.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Follow the quick-flying connections to learn and let go… even though I'm angrily impatient with myself for not having mastered the best way to be kind to myself yet… I'm mean, oh so mean… pissed off, for why must I bother having feelings at all… move it along, move it along… sshh, quiet… secret resentment of mom, (what an angry woman,) and how she either expressed that anger too fiercely or not at all or both, and how was I supposed to learn that slow, tender kindness… blink and we all missed it, now back to our scheduled program and how things should be… but I was there, I must have heard what I heard or felt what I felt… and maybe she wasn't there at all, and I'm pissed off because she wasn't there… maybe it was him, he was the angry one, and she just did what she could… but no, she was angry too… at me she was angry, for being there at all, for witnessing it, for not being able to escape the very anger he felt and she felt… I made her mad, and I hate myself for it… I'm pissed off… but what could I have done, really? She did what she could. He did what he could. I did what I could, and I'm doing what I can, one small step at a time. I've been so angry about it, but aren't I willing to forgive us all?


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): The best means for putting yourself first—and that's exactly what Mars in your 1st house is helping you to do—is to stay busy as can be, no matter how exhausting your mind says your body must be. Don't believe the hype. You can most certainly get it all done. And actually, you'll get more of the 'important stuff' completed by refusing to limit yourself to the 'important stuff'. There's a shitload of supposedly tangential tasks, events and opportunities you resist committing to because you think you won't have the time and energy; the truth is, participation in said 'distractions' will support your ability to fulfill the more pressing responsibilities by keeping your days and nights interesting. You won't dread the work as much when it's sandwiched between entertaining excursions. Don't doubt you can mark off twice as many items on your daily to-do list, so long as you plan to mix up the activities and not expend energy on any single one for longer than a couple hours at a time.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): Because of all that hot-potato activity in your 2nd house of material possessions, I'm going out on a limb and counseling you to make an impulse buy. Is there some item hovering slightly out of your current reach, which you've been wanting for a while but imagining you can't afford? Question: Will its purchase immediately improve your day-to-day quality of life? If the answer is an assured 'yes' (rather than a conceptual 'probably'), then I say buy it. (Disclaimer: Astrobarry is not responsible for any financial difficulties incurred by those who willingly choose to follow his advice.) But before I get myself into trouble down the road by forcing you into debt, let me throw in a couple additional terms. (1) Fears of scarcity can easily pin you into inaction. You must agree to wholeheartedly believe (not 'fool yourself into thinking you believe') this purchase will make you more open to receiving additional wealth in the future, rather than panicking it will break your bank. (2) The goal of Aries energy in the 2nd is to keep it all moving. Going through with the purchase is also intended to shift your current spending habits, so that you hold back on some of the pointless day-to-day waste (which gives you very little satisfaction anyway) in order to bankroll this bigger buy, one that will actually make you happy. It's about reapportioning your resources to better support your personal satisfaction. The impulse buy is merely the initiatory icing on the cake.