Horoscopes | Week of September 9-15, 2002

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Back in elementary school, we spent an hour one afternoon wandering around the playground on what they called a "trust walk". We paired off, and one kid was blindfolded while the other one held his/her hand and led him/her around, exploring the surroundings without the benefit of sight. I can think of two primary benefits to be gleaned from this exercise. (1) It teaches the value of putting yourself in a trusted companion's hands, reminding you that you can't always be in control. (2) It allows you to appreciate the qualities of your other senses, rather than remaining overly reliant on seeing. It might be useful for you to find some metaphorical outlet for exploring this type of activity this week. If it makes it easier, I'll let you cheat a little bit: Feel free to quietly "peak" from under your blindfold while you're being led around, so long as you don't let your companion know—and don't let it subvert the magic of the journey.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You're a waffle cone. I couldn't stop my urge to call you that because, well, I'm a dork. But also because you're waffling. "Am I an extrovert or an introvert?" "Do I like going out and having fun, or staying in and enjoying my home?" "Should I tell So-and-So how I feel, or should I play my cards close to my chest?" "Is this my best side [switch sides in mirror] or is this my best side?" The answer is yes. I mean, the answer is, You don't have to decide. The good news is that you've past the point of being mired in a load of hard-to-identify feelings and general crap, and now you're actually engaged in these questions. I say, enjoy the fact that others might have opinions to be considered when postulating final answers, but that you still have a while before you have to turn in your exam papers. So ponder, wander, and try not to squander.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Sorry, I almost mistook you for someone else. Your surprisingly patient interest in using your atypically gentle hands to dismantle and rebuild various alarm clocks, video recorders, toilet tanks, and other intricate devices doesn't fit in with what I expect from you. Some mysterious, albeit momentary, calm and precision has taken over your body. No offense, but at least it might keep you from talking too much this week. That would be a beneficial result for you. I fear that you're less sure of what you believe than usual, and perhaps you're not even aware of this slippery shift in your value system. But as Geminis are apt to do, you will still try to play it off that you know what you're talking about—that is, if you insist on talking. On the other hand, sequestering yourself in the workshop, studying how parts fit into other parts, and then actually making them click into one another, these are all good distractions that also bring new, more technical kinds of understanding.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): A few different times, while watching various reality TV shows, I've noticed the contestants falling prey to the same lack of foresight. Usually these shows frame some big contest, in which the final remaining player wins a large sum of money. At some point during the middle of the contest's run, a group of contestants will get together and form a deal: Whoever comes out on top will set aside a chunk of the winnings to be split up between the other members of the alliance. They sacrifice part of their potential windfall in order to guarantee themselves at least some piece of it, whether or not they win. Unfortunately, as the competition progresses, the agreement becomes less appealing to those who remain. Their greed takes over, and they don't want to share. While I am all for communality in general, I advise you not to enter into such deals now, while you are still midway through the game. It's far worse to give something and resent doing it than to not give at all. Be charitable later, when you're surer of where you stand.


LEO (July 23-August 22): As things have been going so swimmingly for you in recent weeks, I caution you not to feel entitled to say whatever you want to whomever you want. This may not be the most welcome advice to hear, but maybe you should take a bit of a chill pill and hang back at home this week. See, there's a chance you might overestimate your abilities to charm people into going along with your plans—and simultaneously underestimate how completely transparent you, and your motivations, have become. Meanwhile, a much needed respite of private time, as frustrating as that could be considering your extroversion is nearly uncontrollable, will help you get some psychological perspective. Give people a short break, so you don't start bugging them.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): I sense you may be on the verge of starting something big, finalizing the deal, and at last having a worthwhile venture in which to invest your energies. Don't let the slippery devil with the smooth words and the million-dollar smile rush you into it. Though it could make relations a little tense, I suggest you stall. It's clear that you are the one who will be taking care of all the specifics, and you simply need some more time to cover all your bases. I say, switch gears for a couple weeks and focus your energies on something entirely different. Maybe you need to gather a load of clothes to donate to Goodwill or finally finish that needlepoint for Aunt Agatha. Just like sometimes you have to stop looking for that lost object before you can find it, allow yourself to come back with a set of fresh eyes.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): One of my favorite Librans is Heather Locklear, who wowed me with the acting chops she brilliantly modeled as cutthroat businesswoman Amanda Woodward on '90s classic Melrose Place. The most remarkable thing about Heather, besides naturally possessing a nose that a million plastic surgeons couldn't create, is how her actual self is totally subsumed into her famous TV characters' personae. We imagine Heather in her pre-McBeal mini-skirt business suits and assume her to belong in the (TV-imagined) office environment. We forget that she is a rocker chick who spent years married to motley-scum Tommy Lee. Unlike other ex-Lee Pamela Anderson, Heather succeeds in evading this unsavory connection not by what she says (i.e., desperate PR distancing stunts a la Pam) but by what she doesn't say (that is, anything about her life). Librans, this week, put on a Locklearean game face and offer nothing other than a charming reinterpretation of your most popular roles. And stay pretty.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Even more than usual, you are quite a charming little mofo. While you draw potential suitors, friends, clients and comrades, you must be careful that you not overdo the wooing and give off the impression that you're manipulative or arrogant. That's only because the temptation is there, since you're likely to be able to achieve what you want. A couple catches. One is that you normally enjoy keeping certain thoughts to yourself and are able to hide that you are hiding. Nowadays, people might begin to intuit that something is left unsaid and want you to say it, though if you choose to say it, that might not even satisfy their curiosity. The other is, frankly, you've already proven your intuitive superiority and you've getting a little bored. Some private mental exploration time could help you come up with new, more nourishing ways to hone your talents and spread out your power.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Those will have to be some pretty amazing flowers along the path for someone like you to stop and smell them. The lure of such elusive desires will pull you off the interstate this week, so that you can meander along the back roads and make a few pit-stops to sample the local color. Normally so blunt and bold in speech, you might find yourself shyly stumbling over words here and there, to the flirtatious delight of those who ring you up at the cash register. You're only likely to piss people off if you struggle to find the right thing to say, rather than appreciating the soft poetic artiness of your imprecision. What you lack in diction, you can make up for in psychological intention and energetic concentration. There are other ways to hit the target than through the tongue or the pen. Eyes, for instance, work wonders.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Hypothetical situation. You are a hard competent worker in the local factory. You've been putting in extra time and energy, in hopes of securing a small raise and/or promotion for yourself. The shop, meanwhile, is in the process of becoming unionized, so that union membership is neither mandatory nor necessarily favorable in the eyes of management. You feel it's quite possible that you could sweet-talk your boss into throwing you a few extra pennies. But it may undermine the current efforts of your co-workers if you go it alone. What do you do (besides, that is, shooting holes in my totally unbelievable hypothetical situation)? I wouldn't count on a smooth delivery when making your case to your supervisor. Though you believe in yourself and your growing ability to bond with people to mutual benefit, there's more to the whole situation than meets the eye. I say, don't burn any bridges with the group. In fact, force yourself into the uncomfortable position of sharing knowledge with them. In the unlikely event of a strike, you don't want to be seen as a scab.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): I keep telling you to open yourself up to someone else's influence in order to grow. But I'm sure you never assumed I meant this. You need to swallow down some of your reactive anti-authoritarianism and follow the leader's lead for a while. Rather than offering those razor-sharp, obviously brilliant philosophical insights, how about shutting up and listening and observing and maybe even taking a few orders? You may have an instinctive disgust for people who lord power over other people, and yet, it is a recurring human theme that appears to be here for good. In order to fight the good fight, you must understand the terms of combat. In your case, that means paying attention to why some people feel a need to control, and why other people love to be bossed around.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): You may be feeling due for a spiritual reawakening (not that you Pisceans are usually ever spiritually asleep). Are you getting numb from waking up, dragging your ass out of bed, and doing whatever it is you're supposed to be doing, fulfilling responsibilities and completing tasks? It's so simple to pick apart the obvious details that need fixing, and the people surrounding you who've attributed to the rut-like state you feel immersed in. But I wouldn't suggest packing your belongings on your back and hiking away just yet, nor to lose your temper and let them all know how you feel about their latest (in)actions. The best way to get where you need to go is to read between the lines, look for signs, and control the whines. It won't be so long before you look back at what you're doing now and can't believe how far you've gotten. But you won't recognize the road until you're way down it.